Foreman: you got a point to make or did you just feel like giving a long, unnecessary explanation for something medically irrelevant?
Chase: what happened to the Foreman who always has an answer?! The guy who practically wears a sign saying “I’m as good as House, but I’m nicer.”?
———
House: so, who’s the girl?
Crandall: Jesse Baker’s granddaughter. You always said you would give your right hand to play like him.
House: no, I said I’d give my right hand to have his left.
Hancock: these are very good meatballs, boy.
Mary: Aaron.
Hancock: your mamma’s calling you.
Aaron: yes?
Mary: no, that’s his name.
Henry: where are you going?
Vicky: husband hunting.
Henry *pointing towards himself*: husband material.
Vicky: you’re sweet, but you’re not really a morning person.
Henry *frowns, wants to object, but then stops*: no, I’m not.
Wilson: do you know your phone is dead? Do you ever recharge your batteries??
House: they recharge *surprised look* ? I just keep buying new phones.
———
Wilson *calling House*[wow! His batteries are recharged!] : where are you?
House: CIA headquarters. How much fludarabine…
Wilson *interrupting*: either you’re sprawled naked on your floor with an empty bottle of Vicodin, or collapsed naked in front of your computer with an empty bottle of Viagra. Please tell me which, because Chase has another poll going.
House: they flew me in to help deal with a sick employee. Tell me how much…
Wilson *interrupting him again*: hallucinations. Damn! I shouldn’t have bet on the Viagra.
Jackson: I can’t wait to meet her.
Susan: oh, not yet. I want to give her new boyfriend a once-over. He’s as cute as she said. Don’t you want to run your fingers through that hair?
Jackson: fortunately for you, no.
[...]
Susan: so, you’ve been married 3 times?
Julie’s bf: didn’t Julie tell you that?
Susan: i don’t believe so. Although, I may have blacked-out after she told me you were 40. So, how’s a man you age get married and divorced three times?
Julie’s bf: well, my 1st wife and I were only married few months, so I almost don’t like to count it.
Susan: did someone throw rice at you?
Julie’s bf: yeah…?
Susan: it counts.
Julie’s bf: is this upsetting you? I thought you’d understand. Julie said you’ve been divorced yourself.
Susan: yeah. Only twice. 2. Small number. Much smaller than 3. And my 1st cheated on me, so that doesn’t even count.
Julie’s bf: did someone throw rice at you?
Susan: shut up.
Nate’s grandfather *talking about an ancestor*: he came here with almost nothing.
Dan: finally, something I can relate to.
———
Edie: we decided to move back.
Gaby: “we”?
Edie: oh, you don’t know. I have a husband now.
Susan: really? Whose?
———
Therapist: if a family is dysfunctional, it can lead to a child with problems.
Lynette: yeah. Or a child with problems can lead to a dysfunctional family.
Mike’s mother [Susan's mother-in-law]: my nanny always told me that a lady should be a chef in the kitchen, a made in the living room and a whore in the bedroom. And Michael says you got just one of them covered, so I’m gonna help you with the other two.
Susan: the one she won’t be helping me please tell me it’s ‘whore’.
Mike *noddle*
———
Lynette’s mom: so, I yell a little? So, I toss a few cross-words your way? Big deal!
Lynette: last time I came, you threw pudding at me.
Lynette’s mom: I’m an angry old woman Lynette, what do you expect?!
Lynette: here’s a thought. Stop being angry!
Lynette’s mom: how? I can’t make a friend in this place without having him dropped dead of a stroke 5 minutes later. My anger is all I’ve got left, baby.
Bree: ok. Do you know how hard it is to get a new contractor?
Andrew: Oh My God!
Bree: and poor Walter just had his heart broken, so if it takes you to being nice to him to get our house fixed… An..
Andrew *interrupting*: you’re pimping me out for a new roof?
Bree: and windows.
Foreman: she’s being manipulated by a morally guilty brother and a legally guiltier doctor.
———
Orson: how is a dentist supposed to feel when he can’t give a 90 year old a lifetime guarantee?
